FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| fxxker 2008-04-13 ch 1,  | abusetrippy heh :D this is very, very clever. |
| kloun doll 2008-04-08 ch 1, | abusewow, the portrait of this is dark, I like the flow of this, it's kinda cool, sometimes life can be a circus |
| SEMMU 2008-04-03 ch 1, | abuseActually, I thought it made perfect sense. Unless you want to tiddy up a bit, your message is clear and I Agree. "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" for goodness sakes, alliteration is only appealing when it's new and unique. Good job. Write on. |
| romance at short notice. 2008-04-03 ch 1, | abusei loved the word use and the line, "the door opens and / alliteration walks in and / says, "what?" on the other hand, while it flowed very nicely, it kinda dragged on and mae little sense after a while. i'm not sure if that was your intent, but i think punctuation and a little bit of clarification could make it a bit clearer. unless, of course, you don't want it clear at all. ;] keep writing! // r@sn |