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| Julius Gillian 2008-04-03 ch 1,   | Usually smoke is used to allude to something unclear or enigmatic, beautiful way to do something different. The 'towers' push to something extended for the previous line was beautiful, I felt like somebody was extending their arms of the sea to embrace me. The word paper you use here is ambiguous; from a writer's perspective with the quote 'the pen is mightier than the sword' I'm keeping in mind that it's such a simple instrument but to use a metaphor, we use our minds to write down everything about nature. That's a bit off the romantic edge of this piece. The romantic part of these lines I think is that his hands really do feel like paper? Maybe his hands were actually as white as paper? But that doesn't make sense if I take this too literally because you carry on to say 'a violent strength' and that could only mean the 'power of his words' which are compelling you to write these lines. Violent strength sums up a person to me, violent seems negative, but strength seems positive. Go figure, wonderful contrast with those two lines. 'the sky drip(s)? like orange tea into your lap' Well, your writing style appeared here. It's a romantic piece to me whether I take it literally or metaphorically, but I can't take either side, you're forcing me to choose a middle path while reading this poetry. It's kind of light, maybe because it's not your usual style but I commend you for trying something new. Take care, - Julian |
| Princess-anna57 2008-04-03 ch 1, | Wow! Amazing descriptions. Fantastic job. Write on! ~Anna~ ^_^ |