FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Tropikal-Illusions 2008-05-15 ch 1,   | So emotional...incredible. I agree with the other reviewers that you should've emphasized some words/phrases with italics. Anyways, that was REALLY good. Period. |
| Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-16 ch 1, | At first, the talkative style annoyed me.. it didn't seem like a poem at all - there wasn't much rhythm or flow. But then that ended up adding to the creepiness of it all. She's repetitively saying the same thing over and over and over... and it's interesting. I don't see the big moral about how her illness isn't accepted in society like you made it out to be in the summary, but it has a very eerie, sad feel to it. You feel sad for the girl and kind of creeped out. Very nicely done. I think all the lines were completely unneccessary, though... spaces would have done just fine. -Jesse |
| Chidori Nadare 2008-04-16 ch 1, | I love the emotion of feeling lost and being on the brink of madness. Although you could have used a bit of italics to emphasize the point (like the previous reviewer), this is still amazing. Great job. -C.N |
| Take the Money and Run 2008-04-05 ch 1, | Wow. That was an amazing piece. Really, really, amazing. The emotion in it was incredible, especially how you repeated words like "go away, go away." Hah, I have a bit of a short attention span and long poems usually kinda bore me, but this kept my attention all the way through, it was great! There's really not much i would change in this poem, but a suggestion would be to italicize some lines to emphasize the point a little bit, like maybe "I can't hear..." "I don't want to see!" "Don't look at me with those lifeless eyes!" Just a suggestion. |
| Social Recast 2008-04-03 ch 1, | ..this was great. so much emotion. and i loved how u kept using the same dialect.. every so often.. (: and this would have been more amazing if it was a short story about the girl.. but that's just me. haha.. i have an ide for a story now.. haha, but seriously. this was good!! A+ |