You have an incredible grasp on the emotion in this piece; it's so powerful. And very well-written, at that. I think so much of the sadness is in a lot of the little details like the picture Estella drew in pre-school and parents day and things like that. they make it feel so realistic. This is an astonishingly powerful piece.

A friend of mine who's also a writer in FP recommended this story. I wanted to read the story second I read the title. And as I went on reading it, I didn't want to stop. It was very worth the read. I definitely loved it!

You had here very raw emotions that could make your readers feel it as well. The pains and sorrows the main character felt seemed to crawl into me.

i truly loved it!
rock on!

-for Forum: Review Traders-

Wonderfully, well-written story. Despite the very minute mistakes, the story was perfect! It contained a lot of strong emotions which was conveyed in the best of ways. I haven't found a story online as touching as this. The sorrow that the character felt had sent its message to me. The sadness captured here was brilliant. "Angst" has now become one of my favorite genres.

Estella's story literally brought me to tears. The sorrow, sadness and pain portrayed here in the story gave it it's unique personality. Not all 2,146 word story could extract such powerful emotions like this. Truly, the story is befitting it's title. "The Purity of Your Smile". Not all stained people are disgusting, there are also pure hearts within them.

I loved the story and it's definitely going to my faves.

A very powerful story. The emotional pull was so great that it brought me to tears. The plot was wonderful. A truly magnificent short story. The sorrow and pains brought the story it's beauty.

I just loved the story. The emotions found their way into me making me feel what the characters felt. Not all stories are like this.

Excellent Work!

This is good, yet sad... You made it so realistic; it seemed believable! Poor Estella, she was born into a life of misery... You should write more about the relationships and her and Scarlet. Very, very realistic. Kudos.

Onar-> Review Game.
That almost made me want to cry. It's so sad.
Likes:
The emotion of it all. How realistic the characters were. I almost thought it was real. [hence, my initial reaction]
Dislikes: Not much, really. I didn't really care for the character names, though. Estella? What is that supposed to be? So bad... But I got over it.

Review GAME! :D


Some notes I took...

repetition in the first line doesn't work. Change one of the "small"s.

The first line of speech doesn't really seem natural. It seems more like it should be “Her name is Scarlet Swan, and she just got out [of] an abusive relationship.” Instead of the dialog. Also there is an "of" missing

"...and her circle of friends came and went like the wave as they all learned of the new gossip." "The wave" seems incomplete, do you mean like the waves of the ocean? Or like the tides? This doesn't seem right.

This girl is ridiculously forgiving. You gotta keep going, but damn she seems to enjoy it even.

“FIFTEEN-YEARS-OLD TEEN RAPED AND ASSAULTED ON THE WAY HOME” I think this should be "FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD". Or even if this is a newspaper headline it would simply be “TEEN RAPED AND ASSAULTED ON THE WAY HOME”. If your doing this to tell us her age then it's ok, but otherwise it's unlikely it would be in a newspaper headline.


At the end it is really really fast paced. It's great because it really reflects the speed at which her life passes her by, sort of like I have realized as I have left school. I hope it doesn't go as fast as hers did. This story is very sad and I really felt bad, knowing that Estella would have to see both sides of the situation throughout her life, and having been so destroyed despite her positive outlook. One thing that really made me angry at her though was that she decided to become a stripper herself, after living through what happened to her and her mother. You think she'd try to avoid it at all costs.

Overall the writing was great, you really set up this character to fall so far in her life. The writing speeds up toward the end, sort of taking a little impact from the final scene which should have been very powerful. One last thing, what happened at the start? I mean I can connect the dots and assume the same thing that happened to Estella happened to Scarlett, but the scene is something you should come back to at the end, or tie in with the plot a little more. Maybe add it as a conclusion instead of an opener. It just doesn't seem to fit there at all. Good story, genuinely heart breaking.