Reviews for The Joker - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The Joker - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Ash Algood 2008-07-06 ch 10,	abuseDang it, taht was it. No! I have an idea about who teh theif is. It was teh Joker, cuz he likes 2 laugh
Ash Algood 2008-07-06 ch 9,	abuseYes, i cant wait 4 teh sequel. Then again i also cant wait 4 teh movie nd teh video game taht come after this gets published
Ash Algood 2008-07-06 ch 8,	abuseActually i thought The Royal Court was a fitting name. Im really looking foraward 2 teh next chapter!
Ash Algood 2008-07-06 ch 7,	abuseI havent finished this story yet, but i like it so i say go with teh sequel ending. Of course uve already finished it by now, so i have no idea which ending u picked. Ur right teh original Willy Wonka was better then teh Jhonny Depp version. Taht 1 was freaky
Ash Algood 2008-07-06 ch 6,	abuseCool, another card. Im staring 2 like teh clone. He dosent have much of a personality but 4 some reason i still like him
Ash Algood 2008-07-06 ch 5,	abuseDude, i love this story. I think i like it more then teh Black Rose.
Ash Algood 2008-07-05 ch 4,	abuseWow, teh cards abilities r very creative nd i have 2 commend u 4 taht. Then again i have 2 commend u 4 teh whole story. I'd tip my hat 2 u, but i don't have 1
Ash Algood 2008-07-05 ch 3,	abuseThis story reminds me of teh Black Rose also. Teh main character is an outcas, taht can transform into a really cool dude nd does good stuffs with his abilities.
Ash Algood 2008-07-05 ch 2,	abuseDidn't see taht coming. This reminds me of Spiderman. Teh main guy likes his nextdor neighboor nd she donest really notice him. Only instead of magicy spiders u have cards!
Ash Algood 2008-07-05 ch 1,	abuseDude, taht was awesomeness! Im going 2 read teh next chapter
Lysarose 2008-06-09 ch 1,	abuseHur. Awesomely done! I must say, I like the Joker. I have to blame Batman for this. So when I saw the title of your narrative I just had to click! :P Um, quick noted before I start: I ramble. Don't mean to, though! Oh, and these: "[ ]" are my hopeful correction-suggestions. So yup. --Ha-hrm, ha-hrm... Erm... 'Looser' means not tight. As in 'loose' "The pants were loose". 'Loser' would probably be the word you're looking for. --"That’s another two great qualities about her." Um, I'm no wiz at grammar and stuff, but maybe that 'that's' would be better off as a 'there's'? Shrug --I love that it['s] just the two of us. --"blond[e]" I think that when a female is being mentioned as a blonde, then it has an 'e' at the end and when the person being mentioned is male, then it has no 'e'. Again, I'm not so sure on this, but yeah... --"She’s been my neighbor for how many years[?] [A]nd I still haven't had a real conversation with her[.]" I'm not so sure about the hopeful corrections, but I just feel that the first half of the sentence would have a better effect on the reader if it was slightly more separate from the rest of the sentence. I guess it also has to do with the way you have put emphasis on the 'how many', which makes it a question. --"I know the other twelve senses this also." I think that you should drop the 's' on the end of 'senses'. It just sounds better. To me, anyways. --"I pull a small, woefully incomplete pack of playing cards out of my pocket..." I really like that line. The personification of the playing cards has been done beautifully and it just gives more of a magical feel to the cards. As if they’re alive. Very nice! --"The card wiggle in my hand as he starts laughing his head off and suddenly it lurches forward and attaches itself to my face." You have referred to the Joker as a 'he'. Saying that he's an 'it' kind of makes it confusing. :P --"With a laugh [(]for some reason I can’t control my laughter while I’m the Joker[)] I jump into the portal." --"Another thing I don’t understand is how I can jump several stories sometimes and only a few feet other times. I hide in the shadows and watch the people below." This intrigues me. I find it interesting to find a protagonist whose powers change unexpectedly... because something like that could cause REALLY interesting situations. Sounds nice... I hope this is explained later. The same goes for the children. It is a good thing to have a chapter answer some questions, and then leave more behind that leaves the reader wanting more. Very nice. --"This is going to be trouble from the start. The Hearts and Spades are in opposing groups and hate each other almost as much as they hate me. Almost, but not quiet." The following doesn't exactly apply to this, but... Show emotions, character traits and relationships; don’t tell. If the character is angry, make their eyebrows knit and make them frown; if they’re frustrated, make them scream into a pillow; if they’re happy make them smile and so on. Don’t tell me that they’re sad and wish to crawl into a hole and die. Make them cry, scream and wail. Showing emotionally drags the reader further into the story by helping them try to figure out how the character is feeling. Show, don’t tell. For example, perhaps you could have the character remember times where the Spades and Hearts have fought. "There was this one time when X happened..." and so on. :P --"“Hey[,] asshole, get away from her!”" When someone addresses someone else, you have to put a comma before their name. Example: “Yes, mum, I’ll go get some milk from the shops.” --"“UGLY[?]” I pretend to sound insulted, “Quick, this boy needs a mirror, stat!” I chuckle." 'Ugly' was more of a question, so a question mark would have been more suitable there. The capitalisation kind of already gives off the effect that the word is being shouted. Haha... The line made me smile. --“HOW[']S THIS[?]” --“HEY[,] ASSHOLE! WATCH IT! YOU ALMOST TOOK US APART TOO!” --"Typical. The moment I’m out of the way they’re back to fighting each other." Here I have finally noticed that the voice of the narrator has changed significantly. Before it was rather negative, if not, pessimistic. He was calling himself a loser and such. But here you can really see the 'cockiness' and 'arrogance' of sorts in his voice. Well, that's my interpretation of him. This is really good. I love how you let the character shine through the narrator's voice. I also like how the Joker seems to have changed the viewpoint character significantly. Interesting! --“RUN! HE [HAS] THE CRICKET!” --The ending I thought would happen but I never thought I would be RIGHT. Oh, this complicate things. I think I hate you a lot right now. And I would have thought that the narrator would have stayed with Kayla--but he didn't! Ack, I hate you... This is good. It's good to make the reader hate you. Just as they think everything is going to go well, crush them. And I don't mean make them hate you as in "Oh, gosh, that's just the stupidest thing EVAR." But as in, "Why would you DO A THING LIKE THAT?!" As in actually getting them to care about the situation and characters. That is a wonderful thing to do and if you achieve it, it shows that you are getting people to care for the story and its characters. Wonderful start! Thou hath been alert-ised. I will be reviewing more in time... Nice work and I look forward to reading more!
Pterodactyl 2008-06-04 ch 10,	abuseI liked it. However I did think that the last chapter was a little short and fast paced, but that may be because I just read a 200,0 word story in less than 8 hours. No gramatical or spelling errors in this so it passes my cursory reading. And just so the comment about future and past tense makes a little more sense, usually on FF.N when authors say they are leaving for somewhere they either give a date or it is an implied day or two before they leave and so don't have time to look at Emails. Hm, nice cliffhanger. I will say that the plot in this has a way of going through the lifelike ups and downs with the characters. Like I said int he last review, don't change the writing style for this. It works now. As a final end to the review have fun in France. RFYS Pterodactyl
Pterodactyl 2008-06-02 ch 8,	abuseYou know something? Stories on this site never get the reviews they deserve. I just read the entire storyup to this point and loved every word of it. The style, the conversation, the description, it all adds up to a great story. And if you do make a sequal have just as much crack in it as this one does, because this story has merit. Not to mention the fact that it has a completely original basis. The only other story I can think up that has to do with cards at the center of the plot is Alice in Wonderland. And look how successful that story has been. You had two instances in one of the later chapters where you used the wrong there. I believe that you used their instead of they're. Just a minor little thing, and it only happened twice so you've got a prety spectacular record. I hope that you had fun in France(as the use of the future tense would not make sense) please reply and update as soon as possibe. RFYS (Read From Ya Soon) Pterodactyl
CAP-HAT 2008-05-26 ch 1, anon.	abuseHey, this is really cool. It's a really super cool idea behind the whole thing... kind of reminds me of an anime, I think. And I like the way the whole thing is written in present tense, because you don't see that very much. Kudos, and keep up the good work! :D
MacKitty 2008-05-15 ch 1,	abusei love the idea of the story, the concept behind it: cards. cards are fascinating, i think, especially in the way you brought them to life. literally, too, haha. who would have thought the cards would hate each other so much? :D i love the details and the way the characters are set up and...just something i can't quite put my finger on. my brain's a bit dead at the moment... as for constructive criticism, there are a few spelling mistakes. yes, i know it's not helpful that i'm not going to mention where, sorry. just get someone to read over it who's good at spelling. oh, and i feel like a lot of it goes really quickly, you just jump right in and skip from idea to idea without going into too much depth on any one topic; after awhile, i got a little confused til i read back over it. but that's just me, maybe. anyway, see ya

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