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| fatbird33 2008-05-10 ch 1,  | abusethis is amazing. i love rants, but this is an exceptionally good rant. so i must add it to my favs!! |
| simpleplan13 2008-04-05 ch 1, | abuseFirst -Is ours a self-realized reality?... the realized and then reality sounded a bit awkward, but I like how you then answer your own question -waiting to golden... Im guessing you mean waiting for it to become gold, but I've never heard the word used that way so it confused me at first Second -I like this a lot. The whole high expectations, but not fulfilling them was really interesting. Third -It's ok... not my favorite, but it works ok.. lol Fourth -I dunno what Burak-Black is...also you used weather as in sunny, cloudy.. I think you meant weather -The last three lines I liked a lot Fifth -effluxtion isn't a word according to spell check and . Did you mean effluxion maybe? -the nurturer of hopes thing was nice and I liked the last line too Sixth -All of the sudden from here on you use watch at the beginning of each stanza. I didn't like that since in the beginning it was every other stanza -I also can't tell what this is about. Whether it's the same as the first stanza or someone totally different Seventh -Not a big fan of the star wars reference and again not sure who it's about Eighth & Ninth & tenth -I really like these three a lot -Especially the descriptions in teh 10th one Eleventh -No like this at all! Why only two lines?? What not put this with the next stanza. Twelfth & Thirteenth -I like these... the are described well, but here you go back to not using watch every other stanza, which seemed odd Fourteenth & Fifteenth -The hear thing seemed totally random. You never said anything about hearing before.. it just came from nowhere -I love the must watch... it's a great contrast to the can't watch -I also like the taste thing... though enodocarp isn't a word I dont think The only other thing was the first two stanzas flowed and looked totally different than the rest of the piece. I might pick one format and just go with it. It's a really great start and it makes some really awesome points. |