Reviews for A Beautiful Crisis REVISION

Reviews For: A Beautiful Crisis REVISION - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

writingforfun 2008-10-04 ch 14,	abuseA sister!?!? wow. a neat development but a good one to. Great chapter! it seems Falcon and Jaguars feelings for eachother are a bit stronger, eh? lol. great job! keep it up! kudos!
Tpolich 2008-09-19 ch 13,	abuseRescue, all that beating was really hash. I am glad she made it out alright. Now the important question is; What is Trademark. I hope we get more soon.
writingforfun 2008-09-19 ch 13,	abuseO...awesome chapter!! I love the action packed-ness! seriously you have a brilliant mind for a plot like this. keep the chapters coming I gotta know whats gonna happen! keep it up! kudos
Tpolich 2008-09-05 ch 12,	abuseThat was a lot of punishment to endure. I really want to know whats going on and what Jaguar, Rhino and Wolf are doing. I am really looking forward to some answers, hope to see more soon.
writingforfun 2008-09-05 ch 12,	abusevery nice chapter again! you write very well! and so action packed! i love it! kudos! keep it up!
writingforfun 2008-09-03 ch 11,	abuseGreat story so far! please keep on posting. I enjoyed the action, suspense and the flow. very very nice. kudos and keep it up!!
intensity 2008-08-22 ch 3,	abuseAgain, loved the chapter. It's not something I normally read, so the extra quality of having it feel new makes it even better. Again, nitpicky time: “Together we could be spokes models for an exercise clothing company,” Doe added. Add them laughing. This was a funny line. It made me laugh Where did she get her knowledge of Military lingo? “Her joy seems contagious” use a word other than joy. Like perkiness, or spunk. Joy just got caught up in my mouth and sounded strange
intensity 2008-08-22 ch 2,	abuseI liked it so far. I don't think I need to do the sanwich thing since you know (or I hope you do) that I think you are a good writer and I mean this critique to help you get better. Here is everything I got nitpicky about: Seems like at the beginning at the funeral, most foster families are poor so her dress should be secondhand. It would be a great juxtaposition against the limo and the boutique. “he was just taller than Blake” whose Blake… huh? When I first read it, it seemed like you needed Briggs to shake hands with her but reading on he was put off by her. I guess I would put in a sentence showing this put off quality. “If there’s no catch, then why are your windows fitted with bullet-proof glass?” I asked. Nice. Okay, this is your choice to do but it seems like when she is putting the old library card to open the door, with all that has happened to her, she should seem a bit more annoyed. You make it seem like she know what she’s doing, which is good, but it seems like her sarcasm would kick into effect. “You’ll see,” she continued. “You girls are in for the biggest wake up call you’ve ever had. The country that you know and love is not the same on the underground. There is so much politics and so many vicious attacks on people’s lives and property that the government has taken control of the situations. The attacks that happen are done in remote locations and the people that are involved are silenced.” I thought these girls, the other ones with the exception of the ones talking were veterans. Huh? We all nodded, I knew from looking around that this was the first they had heard of this, just as I had. I think this sentence needs to happen earlier so I understand what is going on I'm gonna keep reading, tell me if you don't understand what I said since I just jotted these comments on word while reading :)
sunny17 2008-08-04 ch 11,	abuseWow! This is an awesome story! I can't wait for you to write some more! Keep up the good work!
Tpolich 2008-08-03 ch 11,	abuseVery good chapter, I knew something big was going to happen soon. So Jaguar, Wolf, and Eagle did or are up to something. Is this a loyalty test? What I really want to know is why Jaguar kept eying Falcon. You left us at a very suspenseful moment, I hope we get the next chapter soon.
Sixpence Fortune 2008-07-21 ch 10,	abuseI absolutely adore your stories. I can't tell you how many times I have re-read this one until there is a new chapter. It really is amazing. Please continue!
Tpolich 2008-07-20 ch 10,	abuseI am really interested in whats going to happen after this chapter. With most of the adults gone and the 'Elites' basically running the place it has to be leading up to something, something big. I might re-read this chapter to look for any hints you might have dropped. Good chapter, it really does have me thinking about what the organization really is (I still maintain the belief that they are not quite what they claim to be) and what going to happen. Hope to see the next chapter soon.
Tpolich 2008-07-03 ch 9,	abuseI have really enjoyed the story so far. I hope we get to figure out what this "national guard" division really is. From how you said things during the aftermath of the 'mission one' chapter made me think there is a lot going on. The Jaguar and Falcon pairing seems to be coming along nice in the last chapter or so. I think you have done an great job with their interactions without making them feel out of character. While there are a few grammatical and intent errors I don't think there are enough for me to really complain about it. On another note do you think I should read your original story or should I wait for this ones chapters? Either way I hope to see more soon.
I Will Always Be S.tronger 2008-06-26 ch 9,	abuseLoved it. Please continue the amazing-ness.
VexiVicious 2008-06-16 ch 8,	abusewow! Such a good read.

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