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Reviews For: Slayer - Reviews: Page 1 of 2
Uncle-Al2 2009-02-27 . chapter 25
Good story! I thought the ending was far too quick, a little definition of their new goals would be welcome. Another thought is what further training Alex was going to get. They are still very young, would they really just wander around?
Thanks for writing
Uncle-Al2 2009-02-27 . chapter 13
THe story is moving quite a bit now. I like the characters (well most of them) and the way you have them interact. The pacing is good, but maybe a little irregular. I would have liked to have seen a little more of how Alex was developing his skills. Must be the old Dungeon master in me. Good job! Here's one sentance that confused me.

“I’m going below the child. (maybe - I'm going to sleep below the child)
Uncle-Al2 2009-02-27 . chapter 10
Okay, what happened to Parn? Are Alex and Sara in trouble? I know you were dealing with writer's block or something, but you need a little to keep the thread going. Something like ...
"We'll need to see Rembar about the attack soon."
It seems like quite a bit of story time has already passed. That could some serious continuity problems for you later.
Uncle-Al2 2009-02-27 . chapter 6
Going great so far. I love the imagery and all the different subplots. The recurring elf loving a 'mortal' human is a common theme, but works well. Be careful of your dialog quotes, quite a few are attributed to Toir when context indicates Alex. I've noticed a few typos ...
...the alter. Alex... (I think mean altar) s&r
also in the previous chapters you've speled tired 'tierd' a global s&r should do.
Toir jumped of the (off)

Thanks for writing!
Kuroyami 2008-08-10 . chapter 16
Finally I've been able to review! Sorry it took so long! But man, this was one of your best chapters yet! Poor Alex, his first real battle, that sounded like it was hard on him, but it's cool that we now have seen some result in his training. But did he do something for Lizzie or did she just survive on her own? Man, now I'm pumped up for the next chapter! Update soon!
Morgana Maeve 2008-08-03 . chapter 16
Hmm, cliffhanger.

Anyway, don't worry about the battle scenes. Once you have some more practice writing them, they'll be easier to write the way you want them. And besides, it wasn't bad, so you don't have much to worry about. I thought the battle scene was well-written.

Poor Lizzie. I hope she doesn't die.

And has Alex done something foolhardy or am I reading too far into things?

~Morgana Maeve
Kuroyami 2008-07-09 . chapter 14
If that was the result of a Shadows power from just a distance then I would hate to get up close to it, much get attacked by it! But go Alex in quick thinking, though I had expected him to be shivering and stuff after he got out of the water.
What are they looking for anyway? I have a feeling I'm not going to get an answer but I wanted to ask anyway. But I agree with Serbal in wanting to get where they aren't helpless.
Thanks for shortening the paragraphs, it made a huge difference. The only thing I can think of suggesting is of writing more details on the characters emotions, like if Alex felt panicked when he dove in the water, relief when Serbal got him back on the boat, etc.
Keep up the good work and update soon!
HighwaytoInsanity.xx 2008-07-09 . chapter 14
WOW! Keep up with it, you know that i'm not good at writing long reviews and neither are you! :P but OMG whats gonna happen and PLEASE make sure they're safe!
x
Elz
x
Kuroyami 2008-07-07 . chapter 13
And they're off and away! I'm glad Jen's with them, provide some excitement is good from a character like that. Cute love story, cheesy and in a way...normal, probably something desperately needed for the heroes.
I can only say that you might some dramatic action to happen soon, just so you can keep some readers attention. That and when doing paragraphs, try just separating some so that it's easier to read. Maybe it's just me and my stupid computer, but it's hard for me to read long paragraphs in a story on Fictionpress and Fanfiction. I usually have to highlight the place that I'm at to see where I am. Just a suggestion, though an added bonus is that it makes a story look longer. Keep up the good work and update soon!
Oh, and Thanks for giving me such support in my story, I really appreciate it, and I'm so glad that more people are reviewing (people are getting smart and are reviewing!)
HighwaytoInsanity.xx 2008-07-05 . chapter 13
:O keep going pleaase!!
x
Elz
x
Vergissmeinnicht 2008-07-03 . chapter 12
I have enjoyed reading your story so far. It has taken quite a few chapters for the actual plot to begin, but at least it wasn't boring.

I think your first few chapters could use some more description as in how the characters look like (hair, eyes, clothes) and how the surroundings look like. Other than that I thought you had some pretty vivid description of Heart Wood. Your grammar isn't bad, but there are a couple of errors here and there, but nothing too major. Just edit thoroughly.

The Mother turning out to be a unicorn was interesting, and I thought the fluffballs sounded adorable. Short chapters aren't bad as long as they aren't just useless babble to fill up space, so don't worry about that.

I am hooked and will anticipate the next chapter of your story. Keep up the good work.
HighwaytoInsanity.xx 2008-07-02 . chapter 12
WOW! That is SO good!
btw it's Ellie :P
x
Elz
x
Kuroyami 2008-06-29 . chapter 12
Hmm, a lot of new questions are now running through my head, specifically about Alex and the eleven. When the mother spoke and said that the eleven CAN die, did you meant to put that or was it suppose to be something along the line WILL die. And also, are you going to have Alex either show some amazing mage magic along the journey or have him learn something on it...you don't have to answer. I'm mostly just asking because I think Alex just needs something special that also singles him out from the three, since he's the main character. I also hope you reveal later on to people on why those three were chosen, like because they were pure in heart, trustworthy, something like that. Thanks for updating and keep up with the good work!
Kuroyami 2008-06-23 . chapter 11
Sorry it took me so long to review (forgive me, but now finally some one else has reviewed, and I totally agree with them in their first review of them saying that five didn't do it justice...though part of that is my fault ^.^').

But anyway, I'll be honest and say that the chapter wasn't what I was expecting, but that's a good thing, surprises are good! Poor elves (and humans) I guess poor everyone. Though right now I think I have the most sympathy for Serbal, man her words were powerful, I was really affected when she talked about losing her chosen (though I am wondering if it's possible for an elf to have more than one chosen or something).

I didn't expect the mother as a unicorn...though it makes sense. I only recommend changing the font on when she or when someone like her speaks, otherwise it's a little confusing, and I guess font change just shows how different or important (higher up? I can't explain it) someone is.

But overall this was a well put chapter, makes me wonder if something is going to happen on their quest or something, just to cause drama or importance of certain characters. Nice nicknames too, though I'm also wondering who the leader will be (it could be Alex cause he's the main character or Serbal cause she's the oldest or Sara just because she wants to be, yeah) and...I'm just babbling now, I have more questions but I have confidence that they'll be answered soon. Keep up the good work!
Morgana Maeve 2008-06-21 . chapter 11
Nice.

Awesome chapter, once again. Especially now that the plot's been exposed. I like your reasoning behind it, the whole driven mad by grief bit and then controlled by someone else. It's an interesting concept, and I can't wait to see how you develop it.

And I'm completely taken with your description of the Mother, by the way. Very cool.

~Morgana Maeve~
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