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| sheisdressedinpoetry 2008-05-22 ch 1,  | abuseEverything about this poem is utterly perfect and delicious (as swedish fish) until the last stanza. For some reason I feel like I've been robbed of a proper ending, I kept expecting that the last lines would tie it all together in one epiphanic moment but they only restated what was previously said. Maybe I am being stubborn or misinterpreting but I still feel like there is something missing. |
| Take the Money and Run 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuseThis poem is great, and its very well-written. I wouldn't really change anything about it, though the only thing is I think there's a typo. Where you say "taking about symbolism/and soviet russia" I think it should be talking. Courtesy of the review marathon, link in profile if interested. |
| One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuseI liked the story in this poem, and I can imagine a boy like him, and almost grapht his personality (even though I, personally, have never had the fortune to meet a boy who has even more than half a brain). I liked the bitterness in this poem, that the protagonist hates him almost because he tried too much, because he dreamt and she/he didn't. That he tried and fell, but she didn't try and she didn't fall, and she derises him for that reason. A thing I would have you fix up in this poem would have to be this line: and neuroses and swedish fish I did not get that. At all. Although sybolism is great, it's better when readers can understand it to some degree. Why'd he have swedish fish in his mouth? What do they represent? I didn't understand that, and so for a moment, I was jerked out of the lovely world this poem created to go, "WHAT?! SWEDISH FISH?! WHAT??!" So yeah. Maybe it's my ignorance, but I don't understand it ;). - Clap Trap, from Review Marathon (link in my profile) |
| no.peace.los.angeles 2008-04-11 ch 1, | abuseThis is just . . . guh. I don't have the words. I love the details, how each thing you put in added to the piece. It didn't feel like too much; it felt like a person. That is just fantastic. Though I will admit I was expecting another stanza or something at the end, but then I was like, "Oh. Okay. I get it." :p I love the third stanza. Ah, swedish fish. That's fantastic. Love love love. Keep writing! :) |
| EyesEmphatic 2008-04-06 ch 1, | abuseThis is a fantastic piece, great job! |