FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpleplan13 2008-04-07 ch 1,  | abuseI like the repetition. The commas though, I think were a bit much. They were connecting things that definitely needed either a period or a semicolon. Other than that it was nicely done... I really like the title. The word is kinda juvinelle (as grownups curses tend to replace ouches.. lol), but I feel like that shows how he can make you feel like a child again because of how much he hurt you. Though maybe Im reading too much into things... lol |
| kloun doll 2008-04-07 ch 1, | abusethe first lines were sweet but the end is kinda brokenheart... |