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| asylum writer 2008-04-24 ch 3,  | abuseI think I have to agree with Pen.Dragon here. I don't exactly get it. It looks like you have the idea though, because you revealed the Looney Tunes theme song at the end, but I think it's missing something because I don't know what the slide and the music have to do with each other. So continue, because I really think you get the concept of the 55 word story, you just have to write it more clearly. Good luck! |
| The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon 2008-04-24 ch 3, | abuseThe last one was kind of obvious and this one I didn't really get, but this sort of thing takes practice! I've written TONS of these stories that I haven't posted and sometimes I spend days just think about how I can state something so the reader will think of it another way! It's hard I know, but you are just starting so don't give up hope. You have promise as a writer! But I would recommend rewriting the last two stories, sorry, I hate giving harsh critism, but I REALLY think that you'll grow! Write on! (PLEASE, PLEASE, do!) Pen.Dragon |
| The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon 2008-04-11 ch 1, | abuseYAY! I'm SO glad that more people are starting to do 55-word stories! (I didn't intend to start something, but apparantly I did!) As far as this one goes, I really liked it! Now I'm not quite sure that tribbles ever really mored since they were just stuffed animals that purred, but I obviously didn't think of this (or else I would have posted it already) so GREAT JOB! I LOVE the originality and how both you and asylum writer have taken 55 fiction (what they are actually called (feel free to look 'em up on Wikipedia)) have taken them in TOTALLY different directions and we all have something to learn form the others' outlooks! Write on! Pen.Dragon |
| Zo Lyon 2008-04-07 ch 1, | abuseIt was cool but... I see a lot of the times that 55 word stories repeat the first sentence. And why is everyone doing 55 word stories? It's really random. Anyways I justt noticed that patternn so.. |
| asylum writer 2008-04-07 ch 1, | abuseGreat! I wasn't expecting a tribble. Haha. Your first sentence got repeated, though. That happens with FP. I've had to fix it a couple times on my stuff. Try submitting the document again and replacing the chapter. The only problem I see is with, "He pushes me out of his seat. He mutters 'Stupid fat Tribble.'" The rest was in past tense, and 'pushes' and 'mutters' are in present tense. But still, good job, and you should definitely continue with these! |