Hey,

I've only read the chapter and thought I'd review. Maybe you'll do a revision after you're finished but thought I'd point out that there were a lot of grammar mistakes and ambiguous wording which kind of left me confused at times.

The story is interesting and I plan on reading the rest when I have free time.

Signed,
Kifaru - The Rhino

I took too long to read this, I'm sorry. Either way, this was a good chapter, and I do hope you'll still continue writing. I might be slow in doing so, but I'll still be reading it.

Its turning out really well! Keep posting!

I've been away, sorry. But here's my review of the past few chapters...

Nice ending of Volume II. It wasn't too much of a cliffhanger, but did the job well enough to keep the reader wanting more.

Too many 'action sentences' for lack of a better term. "Running along, he blahblahblah. Lifting his hand, he blahblahblah. Taking a seat, he blahblahblah. Etc." This can get very tedious to read after a while. Try to vary your sentence structures.

Commas!! Don't forget your commas!! The chapters were hard to get through because you didn't use commas. This turns your sentences into confusing run-on sentences that are hard to get through.

Very nice intro to Volume I. I was pleasantly surprised by Fotro's slight change in character. He's still bumbling fool Fotro, but at least he's got some courage - albeit foolish - and a little more logic.

Who knew Hephastus had a weakness or two? I like it.

Bloody Morgan!! FINALLY! Sheesh!! Making us wait for her appearance for that long, and then leaving us with a cliffhanger?! How dare you! *smile*

so much action, it's pretty good. i think your writing has improved since you started, and not that im a pro writer or anything, but i got a little advice. talk more about the characters feelings! i mean, ya...like, Amadues loves jari? i knew a little something was happening but then, BAM 'going all bug-eyed" i wanna see some thoughts. go in depth. it'll make your story much more interesting than just all the action. action is good, but a fair mixture would be nice. ^^ great chap though.

good chapter. and gah! i wanna see Amadues and Jari! and, you sure like to hop around alot, dont you?

oh yay! the new volume! can't wait to see more. ^^

All right, review number two. Corago is coming along at a good pace, lots of cool stuff happening, plenty of things to get excited about. All in all, it continues to be a fun read.

A few things to consider, though. It's obvious that one of your main strengths is writing action scenes, as well as bringing together many widespread events home to a single chapter at a time, thus keeping the story fresh and entertaining.

A note on that, however. While it's good to have a lot going on in order to help keep the reader interested, be careful not to have everything teetering on a grand scale invasion for too long at a time. Otherwise, your audience can become bogged down with too much happening in too short a time.

Remember to keep the story concise. If too many chapters revolve around full-scale civil war, endless bombardments and pulse-pounding duels with sharp, pointy objects, then you may run the risk of either killing off your audience through adrenaline overdose, or else scaring them away with the prospect of an eternal conflict from which there is no escape, ever.

Also, it would be a good idea to flesh out your characters more. Remember Iratis and his journey toward a new prospect on life? That is a good example of character development that doesn't take away from the story itself to tell deeper things about a character's personality. Character development + story progression = win.

One way or another, you have to make the reader care about your characters, and they will do so if you go the extra mile to give them depth and make them more personable. Go inside your character's heads. Tell us what they are thinking. Make sure the audience knows what their goals are, what they value, what they like or dislike. Doing so will be very beneficial toward developing your cast and giving them an added edge over the standard fictional hero character guy. 'Cause those can get boring. Your main protagonist should be a cut above the average sword slinger whose only claim to fame is fighting, killing, and winning. Remind us that Amadeus and Co. are people too, with their own quirks, flaws, beliefs, and above all, personality.

Be sure to develop your surroundings, too. Describe the setting more, let the reader see through the eyes of your characters. This is great for getting and keeping your audience involved in your story, as well as painting an engaging backdrop for it to commence. I am reminded of Amadeus' struggle with Iratis as they both fought from the rigging of a sinking ship. Very awesome, by the way.

It is scenes like these, that when coupled with a riveting backdrop paint a very nice picture of an epic-ish conflict, sets it apart from the norm, and makes it that much more exciting to read. Just remember that good description is a key component to illustrating action scenes, as well as just your plain old generic meandering-through-town-to-resupply sort of scenes. If you take the time to flesh out your world in the script itself and not just in your mind, you will make it easier for the reader to visualize exactly where everything is taking place.

That's about all I can think of, at the moment. Overall, not bad at all as a whole. Corago shines when the battles are personal and the outcomes are uncertain. With some buffing out to the content and character development, you will have something impressive on your hands. Corago's already good, but with a little more work, it will be even better. Good job and good luck.

heyy
yea so i'm still reading this story..
i like it, it's a good story
: )

Demetrius in the last chapter, Hephastus in this chapter, and Bloody Morgan in the next chapter? Awesomeness.

Great work here. I feel bad for Fotro not finding Jari.

Long but good. Took Demetrius long enough to get back in the action.

Sorry i'm so late to review. Great chappie to start off volume I and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.

Bummed Amadeus, Iratis, and Jari will be on the side lines for a bit but oh well.

I'm reading you don't have to worry about me.

Overall I found this to be the best chapter of Volume I. It was interesting to get more into Hephastus head and I'm sure he survived his fall so it won't be the last of him.

What really gets me excited is the last bit. Knowing we're finally going to meet Bloody Morgan has me excited for the next installment.

Heya. Me again. :) Anyway, again good chapter here. The scenes were rather well-described and the overall feel is good. Just something of a complaint here: Basically, I don't mind you killing off Hephastus. But the main problem here is that you did arouse my interest in him and the next thing I see, he took in a meaningless exit. If you're intending to kill him off like that, then I'd rather you not putting any aspect of character here. It's actually some kind of a waste imo. tbh I don't mind you giving certain insights on minor characters. But at the very least, make the readers feel for him if that's the case. At least for me, I don't feel anything for Hephastus when he died. That's my main complaint here. Apart from that, I'm really wondering why Bloody Morgan got played into the picture. Anyway, sorry if I sound mean here. I don't mean to do that. And hope to see your review for the updated chapter of Bloodfire soon. Bye! :)

hi! it seems a bit derivative of zelda, but it works, I think. you do well with writing action scenes!