FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 1,  | abuseThis is a cute little poem. At first I was slightly annoyed by the overuse of the words "blue" and "raindrops" but then I noticed that it adds something to the poem. This line is problematic: "As his saw the fairytale light" Do you mean he? I wish there was more clarity as to what is actually going on in this poem... it seems like a sweet fairytale and I wish I could know more about it. :) -Jesse Beware the Review Marathon! (Link in profile) |
| Midnight Star Lights 2008-04-13 ch 1, | abuseWhen I have more time I will read more of your work. I just love reading your poems. Oh, I am going to add this to my favs. Best Wishes! |
| Tranquil Thorns 2008-04-08 ch 1, | abuseMy only problem here is that you seemed to switch tenses almost without warning. It goes from 'he steps' from 'he stepped', something that managed to throw me off a little. I like the ending, too, though it seems a little improbable even by 'fairytale' standards. I almost wanted some kind of conflict; I wanted a trace of the human-boy's amazement, some type of reaction to finding a fairy. Keep writing! |