Reviews for With Clipped Wings

Reviews For: With Clipped Wings

Riding The Lightning 2008-04-27 ch 3,	abuseThis is a good and very well-balanced story, with detailed and believable characters, and a short and to-the-point plot. I guess you could turn this into a novel, but I think it works well as a stand-alone short story. After Chapter 2, I thought it would be a classic, guy meets/fallis in love with girl story, and there's nthing wrong with that. The whole transformation through Chapter 3 with the appaearance of the fiance made me think it was a to-love-is-to-die story, but the ending (and while I like sad endings, I can deal with well-written happy endings like this one) was even more fitting. As for crit, an explanation of what had happened to Neiyo's buddies would have been a nice touch, but not necessary for a complete story. There are a few minor typos, but that's what proofreading is for, right? Also, my last criticism is that Neiyo is a bastard, but I guess that's just his character.
Princess Dargon 2008-04-10 ch 3,	abuseAwesome! You do beat changes in your writing very well and it makes the story all the better. The only thing that really grabs my attention is: If none of the priestesses are awake, why would Maria be awake? She seemed like the kid of person who will be a little lazy and would possibly sleep in as late as she could. But maybe that is just the impression I got. I loved it and I really hope your write more with Anne and her adventures in the world!
Princess Dargon 2008-04-09 ch 2,	abuseI liked this chapter as well, it kept me very entertained and I even laughed a few times, which was good. It was very interesting how you kept what she looked like until she looked in the mirror, that shows what I know about description. The only real constructive comment that I have is: I would assume that she is a religious person since she lives in a convent/monestary. If she is religious would she really by saying'God' as much as she had? And if she is not religious you have to make that clear before she starts 'saying the name in vain.' Other than that, great and awesome! I'll be stalking and waiting for the next chapter!
Princess Dargon 2008-04-08 ch 1,	abuseWow, this story had me instantly entranced and I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter. I think you should describe your characters a little bit more, I have no idea what Anne looks like and that makes it very hard to picture her next to the man. You also used the word 'stirred' twice, I know it isn't a lot but it limits the vocabulary and sometimes makes people hasitate about going on for fear of running into all the same words. The story and plot itself had me interested the moment he said his profession and I really hope you continue this story. Thanks!

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