Well, I found you and your page looking for a beta to help me with the chapter of a story. The position's open if you want it.

In the meantime, I just wanted to say that you're a spectacular writer. Lots of variety here, and you do a good job keeping it coherent, personal, poignant, and powerful.

My biggest critique would be that you use the word "hate" and its various forms far too many times in the second paragraph. I would also advise that you keep an eye out for cliches and needless repetition, because you come close to them a few times here.

Your line breaks are well placed and add emphasis to your words. You have a good grasp of the musicality and lyrical qualities of language, and you do a good job maintaining a flow throughout the piece. Also, there is some benefit to rereading the piece after you've finished it, because it is possible to see something new in the piece each time. For instance, the first time through I didn't realize this was a piece of self-deprecation; the second time through I was able to view it in the unique light you've put it in by writing in a style that would traditionally implicate a person outside of yourself. In particular, your heavy use of "her" gives the narrator multiple facets of their personality ... also known as making them seem schizophrenic. Take your pick.

Repetition seems to be a weak point here. It looks as though you struggled to make the piece even this long, and you paid for it with weak links in the chain. This length is very good for this story. You might even make it shorter. No matter what you choose to do, editing out those weak points in some way or another will give this piece more power. My point, however, was that you shouldn't feel pressured to conform to a certain length. This piece has content to let it stand alone independent of the time it takes to read it.