I felt like all the other poems were much deeper then this one...it seemed a little awkward to me.

This is a lovely poem.
I have no critique. It's just lovely.

i love it! its really beautiful

I like this. It is a really great description of closure. Two things though... fast and last rhyme, but receive and me don't really, which seemed odd. The other thing was in the first line the word that's didn't really seem needed. Other than that I like the piece a lot. Well done.

Very good! Short and sweet! I loved it!

I must have forgot to promise myself I wouldn't cry for you.. have forgotten

But I can guarantee... that seemed odd because it seems you are uncertain about the crying... I dunno, maybe I missed something.

I really like the beginning. The line about internal bleeding was a powerful image. The formatting of the beginning and then switching in the last stanza was nice as well.

Review game!

I like the premise that being underwater provides a temporary escape. It's a feeling that I can really relate to. I don't know if it's in line with how you see it but for me a big aspect of the disconnect is the way that water distorts sound. For me, that sense of how noise is disjointed and far away was something I would have liked to have seen in this poem.

I like the simplicity of the second line and the rhythm of the third. I don't know about "mermaid hair" in the last line of the first stanza. It's a very clear image but it has a fantastical feel to it which doesn't match the tenor of the poem.

The division between the two stanzas of the enjoyment of being underwater and then the pain of it is a good division. I don't if you might have got more out of it, though. For me, there seems to be a lot of potential symbolism that goes unexploited.

One bugbear of mine is punctuation. In order to avoid unintended run-ons you really should more in. It is so important poetry to indicate when a line ends and when it runs on. It gives the poem more clarity.

One small thing I would suggest is add an "I" in front of "gasp" in the second-last line. I think that would aid the rhythm.

In the first line, I think you mean "chlorine" not "chorine".

Overall, I think the premise of the poem is really strong. I just think you could get a little more out of it.

M...crying over a guy sucks doesn't it. It's not my favorite in the collection, but definetly has alot of emotion to it!! Good JOB! Keep it up!

I really like these poems, and believe me when I say, I know exactly where you're coming from. Been there (still kind of am). I won't give you advice, 'cause I don't know the *exact* situation, but I will say writing poetry helped me out a lot, and yours are good, so keep it coming. Maybe after a while you'll find it's not him you're writing about anymore.

wow. the first line, for some reason, really got to me.

sometimes my mind is blank except for him.

I can SEE it, you know? I wish I'd thought of those words myself.

I love this. it's such a wonderful concept... swimming really brings me peace, too.

I honestly can't find anything wrong with it, except that you left the "l" out in "Chlorine".

Very very good. I like the concept of the water being like a block to block all the thoughts!! Keep it up!

I liked this poem. It was a wonderfully dreamy way of saying, "Always on my mind..." and made my sometimes love-cynical thoughts curb a bit and, well, I kinda smiled. I loved the way you worded the 4th line. This was sweet.

We’re a wish.

A candle being blown out

Or quick flash of star

i really like that one. but i think you should continue, you two together could be a lot more, haha.

Interesting the whole color metaphor. I like it... the only thing is "gray gashes" I dunno that sounded weird, when I think of a gash I think of blood? Maybe I'm just missing something. Anyway interesting piece.