FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| LoKi 7000 2008-04-21 ch 2,  | abuseI can see how movies and popular culture have influenced your writing, and with some polish, this could get better and better. |
| bulletcereal 2008-04-18 ch 2, | abusehey good job. and thanks for the whole headliner thing. I guess thanks goes to my freinds cause they put me inot the position of loving that music. anyway, you heard of I am legend or 28days/weeks later? |
| bulletcereal 2008-04-11 ch 1, | abusethis looks like its goona be really good. I like how you know all these bands. Basically every single band oyou named rocks more than hardcore. |
| Distilledfx 2008-04-09 ch 1, | abuseNice story. Here's some notes I made while going reading it: The first part of dialog is confusing, I am unsure who is saying what. "he spotted Lily and some of her friends. Novak dusted his 'Nirvana' band t-shirt in her presence." This is good, this tells us so much and makes Novak a 3D character. "Jimi Hendrix" You don't use the same italics on this as the other bands. The part with the TV seems a bit unnatural. If they are about to be 8th graders, then they would probably run in and ask his mother what it meant. By the way thats a HUGE infected area. Hope you find this stuff useful, every little bit of polish makes a story better. Keep at it, this story is gonna get interesting. |