While it's clear that you have great writing talent, the scene here is meant more for a screenplay than a novel. Such is evident from the mindless slaughter that Kaneda puts on without even so much as resistance from Flinders until Kaneda makes an attempt on Ohinata's life. And then there comes the sword vs gun fight which isn't really all that practical. But I'll bite. This scene has an overall Hollywood-ish feel to it.

Not quite sure why or how Flinders betrayed Ohinata, but I guess that's something I'll figure out later.

Just a few notes: "gripped loosely" sounds like somewhat of an oxymoron.

"...severed just below the shoulder, falls to the ground." That should be "fell to the ground."

Action good. Now waiting for a plot to develop. Update soon.

Certainly hits the ground running. Action's well written as always. One or two changes to present tense, otherwise it's pretty solid and easy to follow. I can definitely see this as a screenplay, as opposed to a novel. Will wait to see where it goes from here- at the moment the scene's a bit standard anime fight scene, so there's not much to go on, but if anything momentum should carry it. Nice work.