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| brokencrystal7 2008-06-14 ch 1,  | abusewow! i love the part of the boy hiding in the cupboard, i could really i see that image in my head. hope you can read my poems and my story broken sunset, brokencrystal7 |
| CitizenOfZozo 2008-04-20 ch 1, | abusePowerful piece. The first lines are very poignant, and very poetic. Nicely written. |
| Laugh With Rage 2008-04-11 ch 1, | abuseWow, I really enjoyed this! I loved how you spaced the lines, it added a certain amount of anticipation and meaning for me. Keep writing! |
| miscellanea 2008-04-10 ch 1, | abuseI luvluvluv the part on kisses that taste like tomatoes and cilantro. The imagery of the boy hiding in the cupboard is also a good (for the poem) image. I'm not sure I'm so hyped about the choppy lines, I would prefer more solid sentences. Still, my favorite of your pieces. :-) |
| flea writer 2008-04-10 ch 1, | abusei went to your profile to see what else you had up here and i saw this. THIS TOO is wonderfully written. Your choices of line breaks are splendidly genius! I really adore the detail in this poem, especially, "we shared the kisses the taste of tomatoes and cilantro", and "so we crawl, through the cornfield.. with the mud. And the mice..."... i just can't put into words how magical your writing is.. seriously. |
| Tranquil Thorns 2008-04-10 ch 1, | abuseA chilling theme. The lines 'You don’t know that our son hides in the cupboard, the one next to the garbage can,' are heartbreaking, just the idea of a child having to witness the abuse. I like the spacing here, too, particularly the way you wrote the word 'prayers' and the 'Break...ing my heart' bit. The short lines add a certain feeling for me, as if the narrator is short of breath or really struggling through the diction. Perhaps both, considering the situation. Keep writing! |
| clumsybella15 2008-04-10 ch 1, | abuseWow. |