I have a thing for haikus...but this is cooler. The last two lines really add so much. My favorite line is "so we could sing to the stars alone". In general its kinda ambiguous-the images are peaceful but it has this darker undertone...I don't know.
Liz

it that was me, i'd never be ready to wake up! great job, as usual!

I love this poem. I really like the word choices; the image of "singing to the stars alone" is absolutely beautiful. The poem is really short, but each word feels like it was chosen with care and it flows well. My only criticism (and I hesitate to call it that) is that I can't tell whether the tone of the poem is supposed to be sad or not - I sort of feel like the last line leaves it open to interpretation... Maybe you intended it to be ambiguous, in which case, ignore this comment.

-- Harmonic Discord from the Review Marathon (link in profile)

I was reading through some of your works, trying to find which to review as a gesture of my appreciation for your review.

I must say that I am completely stunned. Your work is amazing: your images are powerful and the last two lines in this one alone really tugged on my heartstrings.

Well done and thank you for the review. And I'll be keeping an eye on you now. ;)

~ D

this is, wow. i'm lost for words, i really am. beautiful.

a favourite. also, i'm inspired to try and write a tanka now. xD

rowan.

That is a very pretty picture, calm and peaceful. I like it. Keep writing! :)

interesting addition with the last two lines... a twist on a normal haiku and it fits in really well. The whole piece is very sweet and well done.

I like the haiku, but the final two lines make it special. There is something about those second lines that really stands out, but I can't place my finger on what it is (which is really helpful in a review).

The only bit that didn't sound smooth to me was the word 'alone', which felt quite open ended. The imagery, on the other hand, was spectacular. Well written poem.

Peace, Daze

Review Game.

I like the last two lines. A simple but poignant end to the piece that really gives another layer. Kudos on that.

I'm not sure about the first stanza though... It seems like a sentence that you've forced into a haiku and is a little bland because of it. Perhaps make it a little more disjointed - not in a bad way - just remove the enjambment and let each line standalone (that's always how I see haikus anyways).

The "alone" at the end of the line is also a bit ambiguous - does it apply to the stars or the we? Perhaps clarify?

Otherwise, nicely done.
Midnight

beautiful piece, I really like it :)
Faith

I loved the last two lines. They seem so flawless, so innocent. Very good.

I also like the first part but something seems off in it. I thought the part that was the 'roughist' was "...open sky so we could sing to the stars alone". It reads a little funny, although with a tanka that might be hard to fix.

-Shadow