FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| persephone in waiting 2008-04-15 ch 1,  | abuseThis poem has an interesting perspective. I especially like the last stanza, because it induces thought. |
| Shasta Valentine 2008-04-10 ch 1, | abuseaw! again, another poem where you should have written more! you shoud take advantage of this strong subject! but i like what you wrote, i just wish there was more to like! keep writing! -sv |
| perpetual questions 2008-04-10 ch 1, | abuseI like the metaphor throughout this and the question in the last two lines, which seems confusing at first, but on further examination is comprehensible and eloquent. Two suggestions: 'Until you finally pried off my fingers' --It seems to me like this should be 'pried *apart* my fingers', since to pry off one's fingers would mean that they fell off the hand. But maybe that is what you mean. 'Although there was no longer anything to be held.' --The passive voice here seems unecessary and not as strong or effective as 'anything to hold'. Anyway, overall nice work. |