I like this, especially the way that the very last line ends the story with a nice hint of bitterness. Another thing I appreciate is your use of paragraphs. The paragraph lengths are reasonable, and the ideas within them are connected. The single sentence paragraphs add some thought breaks and help make the story more readable. This sort of logical construction is often absent from fictionpress.

You really do have a way with words. The descriptions are amazing and the dialogue doesn't seem false like it does in some other stories. Good work! I'm officially jealous of your writing ability.

I have to admit, I was a bit confused as to what was going on in the story. I like the personification of night at the beginning, and how that comes back at the end. I think you could cut the itallicised parts, as their vauge and make the story a bit stilted and cut some of the ease of the flow of the prose.

Wow, this is amazing.
Really powerful.
thanks for the review BTW i'll take your suggestion in mind

=]

this is great.

Intriguing story. The ending line was pointed, thought-provoking. Great job! I think though, this would serve better as a full story. It leaves too many questions to be a one shot. I'm sure you could do wonderful things with this!

loved this. it has great attention to detail and I love Helene's perspective very very much. It's to bad it's only a one shot thing. I really think you could continue it. Why does the boy drink? Where did her lover go? You can't leave your readers hanging like this! ;)