FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Tytherpol 2008-04-29 ch 1,  | abusei think i'd like it better with the last stanza omitted ("because when after all...speak of") but it's a good piece. i like the flow of it and the 4th/5th/and6th stanzas. |
| Midnight In Eden 2008-04-14 ch 1, | abuseCouple little things re: commas. In the first stanza, the second comma isn't needed and because you have it there, it makes the second line a parenthetic element which means that it could be removed from the sentence without affecting the sentence - not the case in this instance. Second stanza - comma isn't necessary. You virtually never need a comma before an "and". Third stanza - again, two out of the three commas aren't necessary (the first and last). Then fifth stanza - the second comma isn't necessary (parenthetic element issue again). Sixth is fine and ditto for the last. I know I just nitpicked about commas but a lot of those jarred this reading for me and I felt that since the content was so well organised, your punctuation should be too. The only thing that felt a little trite to me was the sixth stanza - the second line was rather blah in an otherwise emotive and engaging piece. So kudos for the most part and feel free to ignore my comma freak out. Midnight |
| Hidden Sword of Truth 2008-04-13 ch 1, | abuseVery beautifully written. I will add you to my favs if your not already there. (\_/) (='.'=) (")_(") i'm a hop & a skip away tata |
| simpleplan13 2008-04-11 ch 1, | abuseReally interesting, especially at the ending. I like the here's a suggestion part... like your actually speaking to the reader. Nicely done. |
| Julius Gillian 2008-04-11 ch 1, | abuseVery philosophical, this poem deserves serious contemplation. The way you maneuover words to suit your purpose is clear from the start to the end, good job. |