The grammar is still messy. The basic story flows well, but you made one of the fundamental mistakes. You have a bazillion run-on sentences. That's the only thing I can find that's wrong, other than a couple typos.

Ciao,
PAB

All numbers from 0-100 should be spelled out, so your '15th birthday' should be 'fifteenth birthday'.

[I loved him - he didn’t no...but I did.]

- no should be 'know'

Very random though, his confession of love. Maybe you could make the transition abit smoother.