 LeeDarien 2008-07-19 . chapter 5Whimsical from title to the last line (hm same line i'm a little enamored with repeatition lately). but really it was amazing and funny, if you don't mind me saying. |
 LeeDarien 2008-07-19 . chapter 4Good poem that readers can relate to. |
 LeeDarien 2008-07-19 . chapter 3Very, very well done. I like the great imagery/ figurative languange. Gives the poem that special edge, if you know what i mean. Hm. Like, it makes me want to ponder it. Hm |
 LeeDarien 2008-07-19 . chapter 1I know how you feel. |
 xoX-Magic-Q7-Xox 2008-04-27 . chapter 5excellent! |
 Midnight In Eden 2008-04-12 . chapter 3First of all, kill every single semi colon in this poem. I'm not trying to be rude but you have not used a single one correctly. They should all either be commas or there shouldn't even be a mark of punctuation.
For example the end of line one should be a comma, ditto for line two and there is no need for punctuation between lines three and four. The next two semi colons in the first stanza should be commas.
Aside from that, the content was a bit trite. The adjectives - "safe and warm" - were a bit flat and they didn't really paint the picture of the poem as well as they could have.
I like the overall premise of this poem but I feel like I've read the imagery before. More specific and vivid imagery would help but so would correctly using punctuation.
Good luck with your poetry,
Midnight |
 Midnight In Eden 2008-04-12 . chapter 1Instead of "as they think" something like "as it seems" might make it a little more universal - that is, not just applying to non-writers because God knows that writer's block is real.
Otherwise, interesting intro.
Midnight |