Very beautiful!
I love your way of writing and the language and rhyming you use. :)
Brilliant little story within. :) 5 stars!

This is so beautiful! The imagery is amazing, the rhyming is perfect, and it's so nostalgic and wonderful!

Excellent work. You have a flair for writing. You described everything so beautifully.

I'm at a loss for words :D
Katie

I've always had a fondness for stories about selkies, mermaids, and the rest of the sea maids. This poem reminds me of a folk song, and would sound excellent accompanied by a guitar.

First off i apologize before hand if this particular criticism is just a product of my utter distaste for rhyme scheme, but at times i felt that the rhyme had a slight sing-sony feel. Intitially the rhyme seemed natural but that was inconsistent through out the poem. I loved jewel-seas and shadow mountains, very original and fresh descriptions.

I thought the introduction of some progresive verbs might add another layer stylistically, however it may be just a matter of more personal taste. For example
"[Singing] of things you promised me."
"Warm winds [sweeping] through our flying hair." (i assumed wept was a typo for swept)

"And winter winds her bitter screams" there must be a typo here because this doesn't make sense

"In sleep bright sunlight graced the shore" I would add a comma after sleep

I love the last line, the idea of him just leaving her there with all of his promises. Very poignant.

this is such an amazing piece of poetry. the flow, the rhythm, the imagery (especially the imagery, it's so ethereal and nostalgic) is all perfect. nothing is overdone, which tends to be a problem when you have good imagery (at least for me) great job!

May all your journeys lead you far
Beneath sun’s eye or Northern star
Where restless waters flicker gold –
But I will keep the things you told.

A wonderful ending. Indeed, I felt that I was dreaming by the sea.

You spoke of lands I never knew
Of plains where shadow-mountains grew
And fields where hoary star-sleeves swelled –
Of winding hills where fair-folk dwelled.


that's my favorite part, I find romantic this.

Aiya Tranquil Thorns. Thanks for your review!
I love this piece. The lilting rhythm, the almost Anglo-Saxon influence ('long-ships', the kennings and all that lovely alliteration) quite capture a seamaid's song. The images are soft and yet constant, like waves...beautiful. Keep writing.

scribblemuse

Wow... ditto to all the above!

Julie

STUNNING! The imagery was great and I don't think I could ever find poems like yours anywhere else. Amazing.

This is crazy amazing. Your imagery and just everything is so perfect.

This poem is amazing. The way you've expressed your thoughts or ideas or whatevever in the form of poetry is very unique. The way you've written is a little bit old-fashioned but thats what makes it more endearing and original. I love it

It's so pretty and child-like. It's a breath of fresh air after reading a lot of angst poems in this site. It feels so innocent, fairy-tale like, nostalgic, etc. Great job.


-C.N

I absolutely love the imagery in this...and I love the dreamy, wistful feel to it. Almost like a child's dream, a sort of timeless magical (yet nostalgic) feel. There's one line that I don't think worked so well...that was "Warm winds wept through our flying hair." The beat seems to be thrown off a bit. I like the "warm winds wept" though, so maybe you can manipulate it so the beat works a bit?
Other than that, love it and a favourite! Good job :)

Wow, this is such a lovely poem! Man, I totally wish I had your poetry skills. (I think I'm jealous. XP) Your words just flowed (like water--get it? Mermaid? Water? Okay...I'll stop now) and I definitely got a sense of setting/emotion/etc from the sensory details.