I found this oddly touching. I fell in love with your characters, I felt for them, they were alive. Excellent work. I honestly loved this. I'd love to read more.

Hahahaha, somehow I found this to be kinda humorous, even though it's probably classified as dark humor for such a genre. I like Elliot, and this story primarily. You should update a second chapter.

Snuffie

Intresting... please write more.

Excellent work - this is a really nice piece. Great characters, descriptions, everything. This is really well done.

Grammatically, your spelling and rhetoric are great. Great writing, really.

"Her robe was more mussed this time, hanging off one thin shoulder, feet bare." - 'feet bare' doesn't describe the robe, which is the subject of the sentence.

Keep writing

"Ken" Justin