FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Nemonus 2008-04-13 ch 4,  | abuseGood. Interesting combination of the scientific and the superstitious. |
| Nemonus 2008-04-13 ch 3, | abuseI do not like the split "imprisons". The message you're trying to get across with this one good, but I don't know that splitting a word to get the perfect amount of syllables is 'allowed'. :) |
| Nemonus 2008-04-13 ch 2, | abuseOoh! That's a good one. Unique, vivid extended metaphor. |
| Nemonus 2008-04-13 ch 1, | abuseGood. The stars-jewels comparison has certainly been used before, but it works to create a mental image. I must comment you for using a word with as many syllables as "illuminate" in a haiku and making that second line work. Good allotment of words. |