FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-20 ch 1,  | abuse"But I’m like that anymore" ... do you mean "I'm not like that"? Bleeding and pleading seems like an awfully corny rhyme there in the middle. I think you could play up the "haunted by memories so I can't sleep" thing you have going at the very end... it doesn't seem like it's hardly present in the rest of the poem. With phrases like "All the things / I can't seem to leave behind"... you could put something in there about they haunt you when you're alone at night or something - then it would be much more fluid in the thoughts. -Jesse Revenge of the Review Marathon! (link in profile) |
| sweets555 2008-04-12 ch 1, | abuseWhoa. I adore it. It's so...totally what I've been feeling lately. One tiny grammar thing, towards the beginning, "But I’m like that anymore" I'm thinking that you meant but I'm not like that anymore, right? Favs |
| Random-Idiocity 2008-04-12 ch 1, | abuseSome pain is easier to bear than others. Great poem. Keep it Up! |
| InkAngyl 2008-04-12 ch 1, | abuseVery lovely... |