FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| maxwell's other demon 2008-08-08 ch 1,  | abusei can find no criticism when it comes to your sentence structure. but your grammar needs slgiht work. nice../ |
| A Devil with a Hatred for L... 2008-05-02 ch 1, | abuseHey cyanne its kaleb I signed up and wanted to say awsome job and the somgs and everything in it was AWSOME! g2g comment again later to say more.^^ |
| SomethingNifty 2008-04-14 ch 1, | abuseOh, my little Cy, you know your stories always hold my attention and you also know that I write in a purple notebook. =D I love it, there has to be more. Mike would be upset if he knew that the name was so tragically used and that we never even got to find out how she died! I'll be watching! Until we meet again! (That has so much less meaning for you than others, because we will meet again in very few days! I guess I can't use that for you!) ~SomethingNifty (your Rosalie) |
| Tranquil Thorns 2008-04-13 ch 1, | abuseA tragic account. The one thing that confused me a little was the fact that you focused a lot on her description/past times, but not much on what happened to her. I'm guessing this was your intent, though - to focus on memories of the girl instead - and I think the vagueness adds to the story. I was left with questions about the girl. Did she live by herself? Did she have no other relatives besides her parents who lived nearby and could give accounts? One error I noticed was in 'to far away', where 'to' should be 'too'. =P It's very minor, but I always focus on details. |
| Steampunk Champagne 2008-04-13 ch 1, | abuseBravo, indeed. You have a flair for capturing much in so few words. The observations you make as to peoples' reactions to death are quite startling in their accuracy; this could easily be passed off as an evening news report. My commedations for posessing such eloquency in your writing. -SC |