Not to be a dick, but it's noticable that you changed the FP title relative to the one displayed in story.

The incongruity between the first stanza and the last stanza is jarring and creates a sort of interesting effect of derision that first makes me wonder if you have it together, and then makes me wonder if I have it together.

The third stanza creates a similarly interesting effect. The enjambment is almost viscerally painful in its harshness, and creates a feeling of irritation in me. I don't like to feel pain, and even though you're complaining about what seems like embezzling, which is a legitimate complaint, I am bothered and sort of suspicious of the narrator. Ahem.

Regards,

j_j

The French numbers were eye-catching, along with the title. "Smirk inducing" might need a hyphen in the middle, but then again, I'm no English major. This is a very original piece. Congrats!

after taking the time to read this over and over, i've come to the conclusion that this piece is overall, effectively witty. the most enjoyable part of course, was the first stanza. it came out poignantly remarkable, and made sure to keep in context with the title of the piece. i also like how you use greek to emphasize a stanza right after the other, but i didn't like the actual context of the three stanzas in itself. it would have been much more effective if you somehow kept it in tune with the whole pi reference. the ending stanza is a very fitting conclusion to the piece, it's resolute and has closure. (but doesn't?) oh, and i think a poem like this doesn't really need any change in formatting. it's effective no matter how you place it.

I think "protestations" is a little clunky; "protests" would be better. "almost smirk inducing" has the same problem, it doesn't seem to flow.

The "alas" in the last line of the fourth stanza seems too dramatic.

Is there any purpose in having "one, two, three" written in French?

That's about all the constructive criticism I know how to give. I really liked this piece, especially the structure. The three points were very concise, very condemning.

By the way, I accidentally voted "no" in the poll in your profile; I meant to vote yes. Sorry!