Very amusing. I hope everyone follows you suggestions, especially regarding the summary. It will make finding a good story just that much easier. You will notice that I'm reviewing despite the fact that you didn't ask me to in your summary. I assure you, it was against my better judgement.
And in keeping with you Harry Potter analogy, I would watch out for angry readers who haven't quite acheived the masterpiece of their dreams by following your suggestions. After all, Harry cannot rely on his mentor for the final steps of his journey, can he? Someone has to take it for the team and provide suitable emotional stress on the main character. Angst is also necessary to a great classic.
Also necessary to becoming a great writer is knowing the right people. I introduce you to Undi-land - http:// undi-land . ning . com/ Please remove the spaces after copying and pasting. This has absolutely nothing to do with underwear. It is a community of writers all looking to become the next Stephanie Meyers. I'm sure we would all benefit from your amazing advice.
~Kat

lmfao! I can't stop cracking up- god, people who say they can't write summaries bug the heck outta me and you hit the nail on the head there XD good job

I really hope your happy getting reviews by ripping off someone's idea.

Why dont' you include that in your next idea for getting more reviews?

lol. hahaha. this has made my day. i love it. i love how sarcastic it is. you kinda remind me of David Eddings. he's a really really good author who writes very sarcastically. yeah, it's awesome.

So funny. So true. Nothing else need be said.

Hysterical. Purely and incredibly hysterical.

That's all I've really got to say on the matter. Maybe I'll be annoying pushy with no respect to your other commitments and as if I was yelling send: "OMG. UPDATE LIKE NOW." Then as if I was trying to make the comment friendly add: "=D"

Then again maybe I'll just be a good little reviewer and sum up my affection with: "I love it."

-M

The dumbledor to our harry potter...the apple to our eyes...

Where's the story if the hero doesn't have a destiny? And you simply must mention that although the hero claims that he/she is completely plain looking, the reader undoubtedly knows that the exact opposite is true. Why else would the elf fall for him/her?

The Edition Where Paolini is a Genius - HAHAHAHAHA. I frikkin HATE Paolini's books. Star wars anyone? His books have everything you mentioned in this installment in them...which undoubtedly is what has made them so popular.

You could write for Empire magazine. :)

I loved this! I agree with all your points, and your tone was quite funny – just enough sarcasm, not too much at all. Sexpot McFangs? Hilarious! Also loved the line "This way, you’ll kill two birds with one stone: you have achieved both the hot male protagonist quota and the length." – so funny (but sadly, so true!)

-Harmonic Discord from the Review Marathon (link in profile)

Hahaha! I think I love you! Every aspiring fictionpress writer should have to read this before publishing their work. Ahem. Possibly I should have had to read this few years ago. Regardless. Well done. :)

i was wondering...if you're Dumbledore...are you going to die soon, too? :P
btw, another great chapter :D

Hahaha. A very cracky fic! Keep up the humor :D

lol. wow. okay. i was thinkin lord of the rings meets narnia. and the hot elves... orlanda bloom. need i say more. oh. u should totally do something about pirates, advanture should be ur next getting reader to read your story for dummies. wow that is a long title. neway.

oh my god this is good, very good! sh!ts and giggles! brill!

Sweet. That was great advice and lol!
Would you do me a favour and read my story in the fantasy section? It doesn't have any vampires, but you can bitch about it if you like, just put it in a review.
Ta-ra! xx

I'm sure you've heard this before, but it's hilarious.

^^

*alert*