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| Stephanie 2008-04-23 ch 3, anon. | abuseOMJ that was amazing i really want to read the rest of this story i want to know the whole deal with Embry and more about Nate AH its really good im writing a few stories of my own and i just thought yours was amazing. although, there were a few spelling errors, and you could add a few more details in, talk more about how her outside surroundings feel, like the sun in her window, talk more about that. The buildings around her when she walks outside. And talk about her home more. What does the inside look like? What is it nearby? Is it a quiet place? Or is it loud? And spend more time in the school setting. Mention the walls, are there any posters? Are there any upcoming events or clubs that look interesting? How many people are there in the halls? When you do mention the classes she is in, put more details into it. What formation are the desks in? What do the people look like around her? When in the restaurant, talk about the other people there. Are they watching her? Are they paying any attention to her? Does she pay any attention to them? Also about the waitress, what does she look like? Is she old or young? that kinda stuff. the overall story itself is really great. I love it It would be great to read more of it. |
| jayjay 2008-04-21 ch 3, anon. | abusewow! please keep writing more! So Good! |
| Landon 2008-04-16 ch 3, anon. | abuseHi kt. I really like the story so far. It flows nicely, and I think you pull off the intimate authorial presence very well (the character feels real and like someone you can connect with on a personal level). There is one thing I would suggest you keep in mind though. Don't be afraid to go into more setting detail if you have to. Fleshing out your character's environment can be another useful tool to hold your readers' interest. It also provides another window into the minds of the characters you are building by allowing us to view how they percieve the world around them. Anyways, I'm impressed, keep up the good work. Writing is a beautiful thing and it's awesome that you've found this out so young. Talk to you soon. |
| Sophie A 2008-04-15 ch 1,  | abuseI like it :] Can't wait to find out more about Gemma and that guy! (x-dropdead from IMDb!) |