FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| Nemonus 2008-04-18 ch 1,  | abuseThe formatting is interesting on this one, because the way my eyes roved I saw " feel beaten …broken….surreal." Very good. You do need to fix grammar and spelling. Even the summary is plagued with mispelleings. "Hears" needs to be 'here's', (be sure to make a good first impression!) and there are some missing commas. I do really like the phrase "whiffs of remorse". I think this one has potential, but needs cleaning up in terms of typoes etc. "Prevaricate" is an author on fictionpress as well? I don't think it's that "Marlboro Girl" is incredibly intrusive phrase on its own per se, but it's a reference one is very unlikely to get and I don't think that it has its place in a good poem. |
| Danielle 2008-04-17 ch 1, anon. | abuseI think I don't understand this poem, not really. It's pretty, but it needs more feeling, more thought. It's difficult to figure out what you're talking about. And I think the reference to Marlboro Girl is bad, and takes away from the poem. Good luck and keep writing! -Dani |