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| Divine Macabre 2008-04-16 ch 1,  | abuseInteresting concept. I really like the fast pace feel of the piece. I would tend to question the second person however. It might be worth changing the narrative from 'you' to 'I' because it makes the overall story more powerful from a reader's perspective. Just my opinion... One thing: "That you chose to wear those jeans your so conferrable in." - I think you meant comfortable. Anyway, it was a nice read. Thanks for sharing. |