Reviews for Where did it go? - FictionPress.com

theflyingcrabsareeatingmyha...
2008-06-26
ch 1,

abuseHey hey, not only do you write well, but you've got some good taste in poetry. Well, I mean, I stink at poetry, and I don't trust my own opinion of it (still five-thirty in the morning, thank you very much), but when I first started reading it, I went, "Eh!" then as I went on, I thought, "This would make a better song than written prose," then, finally, I went, "This thing is so lyric and beautiful and clever! And poignant. Don't forget poignant." Of course, this all happened in the space of a stanza or two, but the way I figure it, if I can go through that dramatic a change of feeling just by reading some written words, then this is some quality. So you just go tell that friend of yours not to stop, mmkay? Like you'd need me to tell you that.

Now, again, I'ma craptastic poet, but for me, poetry means more when it can't be turned into straight, grammatical prose by removing the line breaks. Of course, I also took a studio art course last year where I was allowed to fully indulge in my abstract tendencies, so I think it's safe to say that that's leaked into my writing taste. So, personally, I think that this would be great if it were completely broken down and all that whatnot, but I have weird taste. On a more normal scale, I do find the sheer concreteness of this piece somewhat distracting. On that same thread, I think that the fact that the capitals show a meaning rather than a grammatical necessity (well, it's used for both) is something that really works with all the meaning and stuff here.

One other thing, since I'm trying to give some constructive criticism: I feel as though the words are too common. There's a lot of feeling in this, but at the same time, and I'm not trying to be offensive here, it's a little cliche. Problem is, usually, when you're writing something and you put a lot of heart in it, it's a little tough to change the words around or see that what you've done has been done before. I don't know how much he invested in this, but that's my opinion, anyway.

But, on the other side, I think the thing that really carries this is, again, the lyricism. And again, it's the repetition that does that. I think it's really clever and impressive that you manage to repeat the lines, tying the poem together, but at the same time, give it meaning and significance each time it's used. Another way of saying that would be that the repeated phrases make sense in each context they're used. The poem has obvious continuity. That, regardless of any other things I might have said about my taste in this poem, shows real talent.

(Again, I don't consider myself anything close to a poet write now... even my fiction stinks... what's more, I don't like any of my posted poetry... urk. What I'm trying to say is... Well, I'm being confused and five o'clocky. CRUD, IT'S SIX! Anyway, I was just trying to say that my bad poetness means my opinion should be counted, but then, at the same time, I was trying to assure you that my opinion is worth your time because of course, my posted poetry isn't good in my opinion, so clearly I do have some taste in me... see what I'm saying? I was also trying not to dissuade you from looking at it, because that's what I posted it for, but at the same time... What the hell am I doing? I need to shut up!)

I'm done, I swear. And I'm not bipolar. Just to clarify.

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