AMAZING!

I love the beat of the repeating words you have used in this piece... I guess thats where the metronome comes in.

'The distance like knives' - I really liked that line. It conveys a feeling without you actually stating it. I like that it's done through a simile, an image.

I also like the short, quick lines. In a way, the rhythm is almost like a pulse. It may sound weird, or it might be just the way I read it, but that's a thought that jumped out at me.

Nice. (: