FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| This is Moi. 2008-04-22 ch 1, anon. | abuseDUDE. this is so pro! i really, really like it~ kekeke |
| xEmoMuffinx 2008-04-19 ch 1,  | abuse"peaking into the rooms," - peeking. "Quickly, he moved onto," - moved "on"? "His parents had told him that little children should not play with electric things." - just leave it at "electricity". "Ben allowed himself to be lead downstairs, to the dining room." - led. "Happily, he ate one leaf." - according to my limited knowledge of them, I don't think you can...eat one leaf...like that. Like the tone and the melodrama. As in, the exaggerated suspense. Really cute. And is there some particular reason you're capitalising Brussels sprouts? Oh great, the spell check thing told me that brussels was not a word. >>" - Ok. Now that it's been bored into you three times. (depending on the order you read them in) I hope it helps. Title... "Super-Ben"! Not. "I love Brussels Sprouts""! Though that's a dead give-away. "Honour over Obedience"! Err, yeah. I'm lame. |