Truthful ending. Great job. Write on and God Bless.

It's an interesting subject for a poem and I think you capture the essentials of the situation. However, it felt like it could have used more development.

Also, it didn't feel like poetry: more like a list of sentences. There's very little rhythm or poetic structure to it. The punctuation is a bit ad hoc. For example, I would have used a colon, rather than a full stop, at the end of the first line.

My suggestion would be to take this as the essence of what you want to communicate and then try and find a more poetic, dynamic way to get the message across. You obviously have a clear picture of where you want to go with this; there are, in my opinion, more effective ways of getting there.

- Esther, currently reviewing for the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)