FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpleplan13 2008-05-16 ch 1,  | abuseNice alliteration in the first line and the play on words in the third line. cause the pan... 'cause In then end you have my pain is your pan then your pain is mine... I would change the first to my pain is yours.. it seems to flow better especially with the next line I love the last two lines... it's a really great question. Very well done. |
| Manuel Fajar 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abusethough i'm too old to still believe in fairy tales i thought we'd reach some Katty Lette compromise a world not yours or mine ; or feminine or male where we could both not mere exist ; but grow in fay i know i said i loved you when it was too soon i know you told me you had chains that held you back i know i saw a sparkle special in your eyes i know our differences were too small to care but it's not what tongue whispers ears glean to listen but it's not what heart wishes fears mean as they flee and it's not what soul whimpers tears clean as they fall and ; it's not what fate whistles dears seen as they part |