Reviews for This is Untitled - FictionPress.com

Scrolled 2008-08-19 ch 1,	abuseThis seems to jump around a bit. In the beginning, I can see the girl, but when you jump to the death sections, I'm wishing there was more in between, what GOT you to the point of being able to know that about her? What got her to THAT conclusion (she chose to die a death of loneliness)? You say you are "in love with her... in love with death" but the beginning seems to have her be "real" ("every guy's fantasy") so I don't look at her as an angel or representation of death... Just suggestions really, I hope I don't defend. I think you have a great "base" here. I'd love to see you build on it.
My Atomic Garden 2008-07-14 ch 1,	abuseThis is both disturbing and beautiful. You did a great job describing how she looks without making it seem like an essay or an overdone attempt at metaphor. I also thought that the way your words were placed mimicked real thoughts very well, making the poem raw and real. Good work. -Peace out.
babygeek310 2008-04-19 ch 1,	abuseReally liked this! Beautiful description of the girl with a good bit of angst!