FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| dancers 2008-08-30 ch 1,  | abuse'My lips leave black marks All over your imagination.' I really enjoyed reading this. It had a really gritty charm and your language theme worked really well together to make something great. |
| in theory 2008-07-26 ch 1, | abuseHaha quitting smoking? I am. Allegedly. Words like these make me want to stop, but attempting to write makes me start again...it's been ages since I've read you, been offline for about 3 years. "my lips leave black marks/all over your imagination" is perfect. I love this, the imagery I can relate to (unfortunately). Maybe you're not a smoker though, and if you're not, don't start! For the love of god don't start hah. Nice work. Jack |
| lackluster 2008-06-26 ch 1, | abuse"And my insides taste like black mud- It’s tar and it wont work for me." smoking? i know the feeling. i don't understand the addiction. but i understand the need for SOMETHING, anything to escape to. clearly i focused on the little things in this poem thus missing the big image(?). nonetheless i like that you make me think. wonderful work. |
| Moondog Dozier 2008-06-19 ch 1, | abuseI like the depth of texture that this possesses. It's layered with emotion so discretely that the reader can take several different things away from each successive reading. The use of dark and light in this helps develop the universal relatability by giving the reader a base point for where the branches scatter toward. Very well written. MD:77. |
| sunday night sky 2008-06-11 ch 1, | abuseand I swear My lips leave black marks All over your imagination. that is my favourite part. i really like this :) your imagery, as always, beautiful and uncliched (if thats a word). lovely work as ever, aquafied |
| sheisdressedinpoetry 2008-05-26 ch 1, | abuseBeautiful. I can't stop thinking about this: "Clouded days, everything grows; My shoes are filled with dirt And my insides taste like black mud- It’s tar and it wont work for me." |
| no.peace.los.angeles 2008-05-02 ch 1, | abuseLove the title and the third stanza especially; I like the idea of worrying about the color of your teeth. It's strange and yet something that's true. I also love the idea of "stomach churn gray." Associating colors and emotions is perfect. Keep writing! :) |
| diffident 2008-04-26 ch 1, | abuseThis is so powerful & visceral. I know what it's about.. but now I understand it so much more. marie |
| Zonne 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuseTrue true I like very much the way you put your emotions (the words) in the stomach instead of the heart. That seems to be what happens more often than not. I don't like the darkness of this, but you did a great job pushing that through. I feel sick (smile) The review marathon Zonne link in my bio |
| Random-Idiocity 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuseThis is so great, I love the imagery. Keep it Up! |