FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Esther Jade 2008-04-20 ch 1,  | abuseI think you create the ominous mood of this description well. The "black stitches" immediately indicate the darkness of the poem and the ending "so no // one knows she's screaming" is horrible (but in a good way, because I think it's meant to be). Your use the run-on lines effectively but I don't know if it's necessary to begin each line with a capital letter. It undermines the run-ons a little bit. Also, I'm not sure about "mould" as a word choice in the first line. I think what you're trying to convey is the sense of someone else creating, forcing this smile on her; but "mould" for me doesn't have quite the right overtones. - Esther, currently reviewing for the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile) |
| fatbird33 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abuseo creepy. love it |
| PheonixLament 2008-04-19 ch 1, | abusethis poem makes me feel so trapped that it almost hurts. very well written. you get the point across beautifully, and powerfully. |