FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| a silenced revolution 2008-04-20 ch 1,  | abuseThe title is fitting. Very trippy poem. I like the use of 'I think' to begin most of the stanzas as it lends a good sense of confusion and second-guessing. Intriguing, somewhat dark work, well done. 'My soul was hurled from side to side like rag dolls,' --this line felt too long to me, like it was off rhythm. 'Until my crashing to the ground.' --this sounds somewhat odd, 'until my crishing'. Perhaps 'Until I crashed to the ground'? I may be missing something. I didn't like the dashes between the stanzas; they seemed visually distracting, but that could just be me. |