 Little Miss A 2009-04-20 . chapter 1how wonderfully haunting! |
 fatbird33 2009-02-02 . chapter 1this flowed really well. nicely done:) |
 HauntedMisery 2009-02-01 . chapter 1simply beautiful . |
 not sure yet 2008-10-02 . chapter 1this one is very intimate, and quiet and sad |
 gracie.domingo 2008-08-12 . chapter 1some people are really hard to forget.
i like the sentiment. |
 softersin 2008-06-11 . chapter 1WOW !
This is simply amazing.
I can relate.
keep it up :) |
 dollface and her cancer 2008-05-29 . chapter 1that feeling we all want to capture. lovely. |
 thursdays and rain 2008-05-28 . chapter 1lovelove the sentiment ;) |
 laughter at the funeral 2008-05-18 . chapter 1the first line is so whimsical. but i think ive read better ones from you. ^_^ |
 four winds 2008-05-02 . chapter 1wonderful. I especially like this: "Your hand in my own, helping/Me after the fall—a part of me/Still loves you, a part of me still /Yearns for you". I can definitely relate. I love the feeling this poem paints; longing, slightly, but kind of regretful. I dunno.
excellent job, though. |
 kaylajac 2008-04-21 . chapter 1the title of this is just breathtaking. I don't even know why, but it's so pitch-perfect and draws you in right away.
well, being a wistful teenaged kid I guess I relate to this pretty strongly, but I think you absolutely captured the feeling. I like the bittersweet, nostalgic feel to it all.
first word of the third line should be 'Your' not 'You're', a little typo I guess. and just two recommendations- the use of 'doll' at the end of the first line just sorta throws me, it seems a little gaudy and vaudeville-ish compared to the conversational tone of the rest of the poem. and also, capitalizing every first line [even when it was still the same sentence] seemed to break the flow.
beautiful poem, as usual, you are such an amazing writer :] |
 a silenced revolution 2008-04-20 . chapter 1The flow is excellent, quite rhythmic.
I like the concept of one's smile glowing in the dark.
However -- 'You're smile' & 'You're hand' -- this person is a smile and a hand? I can't tell if this is an error or something more complex that I don't understand.
Overall I like it, but seems like it almost needs just a little more, just something more original to finish it and give it more impact.
.adrian. |
 Aquafied 2008-04-20 . chapter 1not quite as haunting as your usual pieces
much more simple |