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| Crazy Dude, II 2008-05-18 ch 1,  | abuseso cute! I love it! |
| Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-20 ch 1, | abuse"what kind of self respecting person" self-respecting has a dash. "Still short but proud, completely adorable in the way only his little sister was adorable" ... so he flirted with his... sister... to get the pastry... ew? Or am I wrong... You know father won’t any more of that and-” ... won't what any more of that? have? "pulling a simple necklace over her head, a simple leather cord with " ... simple x2! Eesh. Any other word to use? Doubling up on words is aggravating. "off course I’ll go" Don't you mean on? I've only finished part 1 so far but I find it fabulous. It's comical but believable, and I can see everything happening. You do a very nice job. :D Now onto part 2! "why they would want to go to a dragon’s lair in the first instance, was rather ridiculous" ... some sort of punctuation is missing here. " the stupid kind should have realized from the beginning who’d be the only one I’d let be worthy of his daughter" ... oh KING. I was so confused. "she might have a chance with Emilie. She grasped the necklace Emilee had given her four days ago in her hand" ... how exactly do you spell her name again? "Kraken had said he wouldn’t let anyone some further than the cave entrance if they weren’t ‘worthy’" come? not some... I really like the dragon and I like Thern's personality. Emilie/ee's personality is incredibly vauge, however. She's a princess who is friends with Thern. The end. I wish you would have brought her more to life as well. oh come on! THE KISS finally happens and you don't even make it dramatic? We don't even get to see it! It's like a rushed snipped "And they kiss THE END! phew.." ... come on. :P Dissapointment. :( Your writing is wonderful... the ending could have been a thousand times better (poke poke) but Thern's character was enough to find that story fabulous. :) And its weird, this is the first story I've ever read that called itself slash fiction... I always envisioned like all sex (due to some bad experiences with some rather perverted slash forum people)... I was apprehensive about reading this, but I'm glad I did! It's so cute! :) Good job. -Jesse Behold the review marathon! (link in profile) |