 Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-20 . chapter 1This is a great poem except for one stanza. The rhythm is wonderful and it all flows brilliantly until this: "I understand so perfectly, my dears / but I’m afraid if your words reach me / I’ll break in little tears" It doesn't flow with the rest of the poem hardly at all. Plus the tears seems kind of like a forced rhyme with dears.
The rhythm picks back up in the last stanza, though... so it's just that one. :(
I really like this - "My heart is smashed / All behind is broken glass"
The whole poem has a kind of sing-song quality to it and I like that. I don't understand why you capitalized "Berserk" though.
-Jesse
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