Yes, I agree with nopeace. You use lavish words, but they work well in this instance. It's a personal taste, I suppose. I loved this poem and the wording a great deal. I found the use of rhythm and cadence very well applied too. Of course, I myself am no stranger to lavish words, so you'll hear no complaint from me... No, it really is a wonderful poem. Keep writing, indeed!

That "writer" was a jackass for telling you that; I don't understand why people can't be constructive in their criticism without being mean. It's just a personal pet peeve of mine. I always try to be fair and honest without coming off condescending or pretentious. I do think this is beautifully written; yes, you're using lavish language, but I think it works with the topic of the poem. And besides, everyone has different writing styles. You can't expect someone who's "more experienced" to necessarily like what you've written, or think it's good. That said, I think you're a fantastic writer and really, poetry is all about being dramatic, so why not use the language you used here? I think it's gorgeous. Definitely keep writing! :)

I KNOW - I just know - that there is something genius happening here. But if I'm honest, I can't understand it at all because of the lavish phrasing and adjectives. I think you write brilliantly anyway, but perhaps try to make this particular poem less over-decorated? It's not just that I can't understand it, because poems can be meaningful even if you can't understand the authorial intention, because you find your own meaning in the words. But here, I'm finding it difficult to do even that. I love, "the cocked rifle of your head which asks if everything is music, if you are too high to hear."

Whoever told you this was trite, was a complete dolt. Not many writers/poets can write like this - they were undoubtedly jealous. I think the entire thing is great, don't listen to whoever told you that.