Pretty good. Your grammar is spot on and there aren't really any technical issues. Your dialogue is natural and realistic as well. Maybe add more pizzaz? (Haha, is that a word?) I guess... jump into the main plot a little more quickly because it's a one-shot. In a novel, you can afford to take your time with introductions, but it would be nice to see you go right in within a one-shot. Good work. :)

Lol, I liked the banter between Paige and Vanessa.. It was funny. You've got a really good style of writing. The ending could have been improved a bit, though. But overall it was a cute oneshot.

Okay, I'm being honest here. I really do enjoy your style of writing. It's very easy to read, you have no huge mistakes in grammar, spelling, etc. Basically, your writing is NOT amater-ish.

The only thing is, the story didn't really catch my attention. I had a hard time keeping myself and telling myself to finish the chapter. I think you have great style, but so far, you're lacking in substance. I read that you want to be a published writer, so remember that the first chapter (heck, the first line even) of your story should grab your reader's attention.

Good job and good luuck.