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| xxvisionaryxx 2008-04-21 ch 1,  | abuseYour writing was good and managed to keep my interest till the very end. Then you lost me with the second to last paragraph. I didn't like understand what this 'mysterious figure' was doing there or how she knew what the boys were talking about. I did however like the words they said, "The tainted prince" it captured my attention once more. The other thing I didn't like about this story was the description. You described people as having grey hair at the age of fifteen with violet eyes. Both of those unique traits on the same character feels like too much to me. Also with Keturai, is he an albino? Red eyes, white hair, just a thought I had. If he is you should mention it. If he isn't ignore me. Anyway good job, I really did like it though I'm being picky. |